Shoulda, coulda, woulda…Beyond Avoidance

Avoidance actually is more like paralysis.As I began to climb out of the pit I found myself in, I found that I was continually in a situation where I was extremely busy in addition to being worried, unsure and afraid to take steps toward the things, that prior to that period, I had been working toward.  This feeling of apprehension, this kind of gun-shy feeling, was natural seeing as life was turned upside down without warning, so it goes to reason that one would feel apprehension, thinking that after all that happened, that my chances of having these relatively smaller objectives turned upside down as well.

Now, stepping back and looking at this, I know now, and actually did then, too, that this was self-defeating.  The alternative was to brush the dust off of myself and these dreams and objectives, and resume where I left off; this time, I am armed with that which only experience can give.

Fast forward back to 2011.This past year was a kind of catapult, with the tension being ratcheted up slowly through planning, and even more so reflection, preparing to be released this year.  I couldn't quit my corporate zombie job which I wish I could and make a living out of things I enjoy.I got next to nothing done creating a new career path, I wrote almost nothing other than tweets and status updates.So whatever it is that I want to get accomplished,beyond providing the basic necessities and comforts of home for my loved ones,along with more time-consuming chores and intermittent family/social obligations.My weekends follow an inscrutable mathematical formula : I have three things to do : grocery,shopping,laundry,finances.Time is the constant.Two years of data graph out into some inescapable conclusions : 1)Choosing to do one thing of my choice ; 2)Progress in area I want to achieve; 3)Speeding up progress on any one front necessarily means slowing down or halting process on some other fronts.

The fact is that some of the most significant, life-changing things, or events, have no price…and those who attempt an appraisal would find it impossible.  It is these types of things that are truly priceless, and it is because of this that I find myself not only unable to avoid returning to what I know and love, but also with an excitement that I have not had in years.  I look forward to forging ahead, not knowing what it will look like in the end, but with confidence that I am heading in the right direction.

Of course, this month has been all about Reverb 10 — so much so that about fifteen days into it I crashed pretty hard from the lack of balance. Again, by choosing to spend my time blogging and commenting, I chose not to do a lot of other things. Like pretty mucheverything else. When my right arm started to hurt from too much mouse wagging… — that’s when I knew I needed a break.