Dreams n Beyond : Its The End or Just a New Begining

This day is a special day, it is yours.
Yesterday slipped away, it cannot be filled anymore with meaning.
About tomorrow nothing is known.
But this day, today, is yours, make use of it.
Today you can make someone happy.
Today you can help another.This day is a special day, it is yours.


Whoa I really did it. Amazingly enough I didn’t fall too behind either (who’s counting eh?).  Here we are faced with the final question.

I have dreams of love & an overall light. I have dreams of comfort & dreams of joy. I have dreams of peace in the midst of the storm. I have hope for things that are new & satisfaction in things that have endured over time. The next phase of life is about wrapping myself in all of these things, so that each of you will be filled with them also.

The most important thing for me right now is to find a new job. I've kept my options pretty open & I'm willing to explore more than one option for my future. A way to pay the bills is of utmost importance - & a way to achieve that next step will surely reveal itself with the new position. I would like to be gainfully self employed. Working at my own hours, any time of the day, fuzzy slippers or not. I don’t know if this will involve my photography, my blog or falling back on some other plans. I would like to have 100% of my debt paid off.

Finish a project - a book exercise goal, etc. Actually, finishing all of them would be an amazingly productive year. I would really love to also have a release of creativity. 

On January 1, 2013
I would love to be at Eiffel Tower with Rahul in the new year in peace,love & happiness... all other details don't even matter.

I’m going to leave it at that since it is a nice bite-sized amount I can chew.  Same applies for my goals. Try not get to overwhelmed and to rigid with your resolutions. After all we are all creatures if habit, its a matter of deciding which habits are healthy and which need to be released. I wish you the clarity to be able to recognize the difference and let go of what is not needed anymore.

So I guess the only thing left now is to choose my One Word for 2013.Have you thought of a word to focus on for yourself? GoodLuck.

Peace Love & Luck be with you in 2012.
((big hugs)) to you all!

My Story

I had to put in a lot of time thinking on this Reverb. I kept asking myself which part of my life story is MY story. What have I experienced that has made me the woman I am today? In thinking, reflecting and thinking even more,I think I have several stories at my core depending on what the subject matter is.  I guess if I have to just pick one, my ultimate truth is love.  Love comes in all shapes and sizes but love is the most powerful force there is.  Love is our biggest gift we have to give and simultaneously our greatest weapon.  

Love never fails.

I’ve definitely had that premise challenged.  I’ve had my share of betrayals… and they have put me on my duff and made me question my core beliefs.  Question God, the universe, the divine within, whatever way you’d like to look at it.  But in the end, once all has been reviewed.  Once all the hurt has been tallied, the only way to combat the situation is to love.

So, I always seem to come back  to my core story.  To love is to live. That love isn’t male or female, it doesn’t have a color, nor age, nor home town.  Love is universal.  One size fits all as they say.

To forgive another is to love yourself enough to let go of the poison that would be there otherwise.

To concede and let go of the right to be right, is to love without defending your ego’s need to domination and ownership.

To cease to compare is to love yourself and others enough to value what each one brings to the table.

Whenever I’ve felt lack, it’s been because of a deficit of love.  I’ve found over the years that love is hardest to give to myself. I am much quicker to give it away than to embrace myself when needed.  I don’t know if there is some sort of heroic feeling associated with being able to love those that hurt us, but I’d do that in a heartbeat before I would give myself a break. 

The ego celebrates  it when we stop our self love in it’s tracks. Losing to my ego in the past has given me a fairly strong distaste for it’s fruits.  I’ve learned the only way to shut it down is not to submit to it, but to love beyond it.

I share this love story in several different ways.  With children I attempt to model the love I desire to grow within them.  That is holding them accountable, but clearly identifying difference between daughter and task.  It means not criticizing, not tearing down, encouraging, motivating, spending time and sharing myself.  Teaching them to combat opposition with love not defense,  to give merely out of love and a desire to bless another and not to get back in return.  I forgive and don’t guilt and I ask for grace when I need it, to show my weaknesses and discuss them so they see that it isn’t just them that fears or questions.

Similarly at work I facilitate teams.  So I encourage objectivity, positive actions, engagement, responsibility.  I make sure they know how much faith I have in their abilities and creativity and continually recognize what they already have within themselves.

In romance, I’ve taken a break for now, but my story, when there was some, went like this.  To truly love is to share ones whole self, open  and without secrets.  This does leave one in a vulnerable situation, but in order to experience the heights, the walls must be non-existent.  In this arena, I believe it’s all or nothing.  If you can’t give it all, why go there?  That’s the only place where you can really embrace the fullness of the gift you are being given.  I believe that when two are in such a strong agreement, there has to be a pretty darn strong force come in order to break that up.  But a house divided in any way, so to speak, will fall.

You get what you give out, what you focus on, what you put energy into…. put that energy into love and watch those intentions  flourish!

This is where I’ve seen the biggest shift in the past year.
My central story at this point in my life is one of a woman who is coming into her own. She has a lot of baggage, and she has blossomed. She is learning to be gentle with herself, rediscovering her own awesome, and dancing with the magical Universe.

Habits - 12 Things.

And I can honestly say, in retrospect, that I've made progress. Not with the numbers of the bank account or pant size as much as the inside stuff that's harder to work on. I'm not perfect and don't pretend to be, but I'm learning to own my own failures instead of blaming others. I'm no longer in denial though reality is still scary. I am still learning to make pretty good strides with chunking things down to make better use of my time, think in terms of absolutes much less often and added the bright and cheery color of coral to my wardrobe.

So my list this year? I'm wondering if the perennial favorites (less weight, more money, etc) don't belong on the list at all. Listen to any self-help guru long enough and they'll tell you that those things are really outward expressions of how we feel on the inside anyway. So why not start there instead? And instead of listing just 12 things I don't need, I think I'll get all wild and crazy and split it down the middle to add things I do need. 'Cuz that's how I roll.

Don't needs:

Guilt. Doesn't matter what it's over, it keeps me stuck and feeds the ick. It's worn out its welcome and is free to move along.

Denial. I'm not talking in terms of diet, but rather denying myself the self care I deserve. Denying my body good, wholesome food, water and kindness. Denying my need to pretend I'm creative. Denying my need for sleep. I'd be much better off without denial.

Sugar. This is one of those things that I know but ignore. I know that I feel gross after too much sugar. Yet I indulge anyway. Finding a lovely replacement might be a start.

Clutter. I struggle with this. I equate a certain amount of clutter--stuff--with homey. I see completely clear spaces and think 'empty' instead of zen. But surely there's a happy medium, right? 

Late fees. Hate 'em. 

Doubt. In myself, God's plan and the love of others. 

What I need more of:

Water. My biggest challenge is drinking water. How whacked out is that?! Much like my sugar struggle, I know how good I feel when I drink it yet I resist. Go figure. 

Yoga. For one blissful month I stretched and sweated and grew. I loved every minute of it. I need it not only for my body but for my mind, my emotions and my sanity. 

Prayer.I don't really know how to pray. I do believe it's high time I figured it out. 

Faith. Not only in God but in myself, my kids and the goodness that surrounds us. 

Winning lottery tickets. Seriously, that would make things so much easier 

Change 28.12.11

Changes that were... Drinking & Smoking
At this point, I decided to stop drinking and smoking. Even though I was very, very good at it ::shrugs::. (note sarcasm :))

That was one thing definitely under my control, but it was getting a little out of control.

Changes that weren't...Maturity 
Wisdom comes with age. You can choose to ignore it or you can embrace life's lessons. Mistakes bring lessons that smack you square in the face. I'm probably making mistakes as I'm writing this post. However, one of the things about maturity is realizing that it is impossible to get EVERYTHING right in life. What I mean is that... We'll mess up. We'll make mistakes. We'll do things wrong. And the blessing in all of that? It's all in God's plan. So the maturity that I wanted or didn't want, came anyway. It's not under my control, but it comes with time.

Unexpected Developments & Opportunities
At the beginning of the year,  things fell apart. I was sick. I had monetary issues. Opportunities? My entire future. There are just so many things that I would love to do in life... The important thing is to MAKE them happen. :) Be the change you want to see.

People make the world go round

Many have touched my heart. This year has been a difficult one for me. Having to juggle work, along with family and family with health issues has at times been overcoming, and my need for peace and comfort was regulated to many nights spent alone on the couch. I found so much love and humor and I found joy and the spirit of survival.

I miss so many people and a few things. I miss the loud booming voice of my grandfather. I miss his overwhelming presence and I can never discount the feelings shared, the comradery, and the love. It’s no surprise that I would miss any of the above. I’m a very “feeling” type of person, and it goes a long way, whether you are in my life or not. Your touch is like an imprint on my heart…never to disappear.

I have had the pleasure of meeting a lot of people this year, due to our circumstances and all worthy.Most importantly,I met the love of my life. I look forward to a wonderful 2012 and wish to meet more people like you, positive, focused, spirit-filled individuals that make my life a joy!

Life is a Beautiful Struggle

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt,  just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone…

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every  month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing  than crying alone..

8. It’s OK to get angry with God.  He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with  your first paycheck..

10. When it comes to chocolate,  resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your  life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all  about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you  shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the  blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never  blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19.. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what  you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21.  Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the  brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is  none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is,  not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35.  Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it  now..

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours  back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up  and show up..

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a  gift. 


Life is a pain...if someone is saying different,he is trying to sell something.But the pain is worth it.The struggle hasn't paid off yet but am sure the new year will see a difference.

Moments take my breath away

I again mis-dated the reverbs.But I feel for December 25th its the best coz the best gifts of life are not found under the christmas tree,its friends,family & the ones you love and its them whose presence makes moments in our life.MERRY CHRISTMAS to All.

Moments that moved, shocked, humbled, and freed me. So, instead of choosing just one of those moments, I will use 2011, the year, as a benchmark, a reference point by which I can measure all things to come and remember that the best moments are those that are spent with the people you love most doing that things that make you the happiest.

My defining moment this year was really less defining and more moment of desperation.  I hit a major wall around the middle of the summer.  I had pretty much reached my limit of aimless meandering and needed to find some direction – to make some sort of change or else I was pretty sure I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

So I conceded to get some help from the resources around me.  I am lucky to have supportive friends, family and all manner of other mentors and networks.  So a couple of them set about kicking my ass into action.

Though there was no great turnover yet I hope for a brighter year.

So my defining moment this year came from the fact that I needed some help. And I was good enough to admit it to myself.  There is nothing wrong with getting a bit of help.  The proviso of course, is that you have to admit it or else you’ll just go on along.  It took a lot of putting preconceptions aside in order to make it happen.

I knew I couldn’t do it alone.  And I’m better off from it.

The best things that happened to me was : 

A new relationship

Staying put,for once

Seeing my parents finding in small things like reading a message.